Ultramarathon Saeng

It was time to test my training, so I jumped into the Scorch Trials.  No, it was not the movie; my version was running a 50K ultramarathon through the cold morning hills of San Diego to the late afternoon under the burning sun.  The 8 hour test measured my physical endurance and mental capacity as I watched others collapse from dehydration, heat, and physical exhaustion.  It brought my raw emotions out while revealing the capabilities of my mind and body.

"Unless you're pushing yourself, you're not living to the fullest.  You can't be afraid to fail, but unless you fail, you haven't pushed hard enough.  If you look at successful people and happy people, they fail a lot, because they're constantly trying to go further and expand." -Dean Karnazes.  This was the quote that resonated with me in several ways.  I came across it from my Instagram feed a year ago when I had no clue about this person or even what an ultramarathon was.  Fast forward 9 months later, and I found myself standing at the starting line of my first ultramarathon.  It would be a wild 8 hour journey.  

Initially, I was going to drive myself up to the race location and drive back to my friends place after, but that would have been a mess if I went with my original plan.  My friend was nice enough to wake up at 5 in the morning and drive me to the start location.   The clock was ticking down as the clear dark skies slowly warmed to the morning sun.  I could feel the excitement and anxiety from the other participants.  We were all here to reach the finish line.

I scanned the crowd of 135 participants and my competitors ranged from the mid 20s to late 80s.  It was incredible to see all these people and to know they trained for months or even years in getting here.  We gathered around the race coordinator as he explained the route.  I was not able to follow the announcement because I've never run this trail or have been in this area.  I told myself I would just follow the person in front of me, but I soon came to find out that I would be running in silence with no one in front or back of me. 

The anticipation increased as the hours reached minutes to seconds, and the race started at 7am.  The temperature was perfect with a low of 65 degrees where you would be able to see your breath with every exhale of the fresh air.  Being my first trail run, I had to learn how to maneuver and adjust to the differences.  The view of the canyon and hills was breathless with endless sites of trees, lakes, and hills.  I wore my blue breathable tank top, and I could feel the fresh air glaze my skin.  Over my shoulders was my camel back to carry my water and gel pack.  During practice runs, I always wore headphones.  It was different for official events because I wanted to be present and enjoy every aspect of the race without music drumming in my ear.  

The first 7 miles was very bumpy as I was constantly looking down to make sure I didn't trip over the rocks.  I knew it would be game over if I found myself hurling down a hill or stumbling over the groovy terrain.  It was very different from running around the neighborhood or on the streets because I had to be aware of mother nature and what she had in store for me.  At this point, all the runners are next to one another and are happy and care free.  This would change in a few hours.

I was at my regular pace of 9 minute mile runs until I hit the wall at around 20 miles.  I was faced with a hill I had to climb; it was even more treacherous than the last few miles.   My legs were exhausted and it felt like jello as I cautiously maneuvered my way down the hill.  I constantly had to remind myself to drink water so I wouldn't get dehydrated.
 

At every aid station there were foods that people don't consider healthy.  These foods were offered because extreme endurance events need fuel that will immediately be used for the body's energy.  I had a selection of bananas, oranges, potato chips, pretzels, gummy candy, peanut butter jelly sandwich, soda, m&ms, and donuts.  It was delicious!  My runs would eventually turn into excitement every time I reached an aid station since my body was craving food.  After a few aid stations and downing energy gels, my stomach was swish swashing with many liquids and sugars.  I was feeling very full, but I knew I had to continue to eat.

There was a point where I could barely see anyone behind me or in front of me.  I was alone with my thoughts.  My mind and body were exhausted.  I questioned so many decisions in life including the decision to sign up for this event.  This was my lowest point.  I asked myself if I wanted to continue.  The answer would always be yes because I would do anything even if I had to crawl to the finish line.  All my hard work needed to reach the end. 

I finally reached the last aid station.  There were only 3 miles left of the race.  It was the hardest 3 miles of my life.  As I was collecting myself at the station, one of the helpers came up to me and encouraged me to continue and end strong.  Once I left the station, there was no turning back.  My whole body was beyond exhaustion.  I would say it was a numb feeling but still being able to feel my feet throbbing and wanting to sit.  There was a person hiking at the canyon that was not part of the event.  As I got closer to the man, my stomach was ready to unleash the monster.  At that moment, I threw up the concoction that was created from all that water, sugar, and food.  I usually would be embarrassed, but it was a moment where I did not care about anything in the world.  I wiped myself up and continued on.  A mile after this vomiting session, I wanted to get rocks out of my shoe.  I found a place to rest my weak body.  I was so shocked because my legs starting getting signs of cramps from the slight movement of trying to take off my shoe.  I decided to not take the risk of removing the rocks. 

It was the last mile in the race.  I knew my friends were waiting at the finish line for me, so I had to use all my energy to get there.  I would pass some runners and they would always have encouraging words.  The finish line was so close and I could feel every inch of my body screaming to sit.  When I saw my friends, I made my last crippling run to the finish line as my friends cheered for me.  I crossed the line with the happiest thoughts and was awarded with a metal around my neck.  My entire body was done and wanted to collapse.  That's exactly what I did once a mat was lay out in front of me.  I lay on the mat inhaling all the fresh air and feeling like I could conquer the world.  I put my mind and body to the test and was rewarded with knowing my capabilities. 

I'll end with another quote from Dean that sums up my experience, "Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up."